Kelly found out "somehow" that I had slept with Damian. I think the whole story's a bunch of bull shit but whatever. The end result is that for the rest of his life, Kelly will think I'm a worthless whore, and never talk to me again. I kinda expected it to happen eventually, so it's not exactly like I'm bothered by it. I mean, he pointed it out himself that we were pushing him out of "the family" and it was only a matter of time that we just forgot about him. Well, I guess he was right. He came over last night really fucked up and it gave me a chance to evaluate what happened, and be okay with the fact that I'll never see him again. He was at his worst last night, and it was easy to look at him and be disgusted and not want to see him again, either. I'm sure that's the exact reason he wanted to come over last night anyway: to get a chance to look at me and be disgusted. That's how it happens I guess.
I learned that I'm a habitual liar. Well, I always knew I was but I suppose now I'm admitting it to myself and others. Watch out, everyone. I don't know how I can be so bland about it. My new personal quest is distinguishing the outright lies I tell from genuine changes in my feelings. That probably doesn't make sense to you, my reader, but that's okay. The brain things I've been doing in my head would seem repetitive and dull if I told them to you as candidly and forthrightly as I could. Also, maybe a little horrifying. I don't think I think like a normal person. A lot of things don't bother me that would bother most people, or at least that's what I get from peoples' reactions when I talk to them openly. Maybe I'm just reading too much into what's going on. Maybe Occam was right, and the simplest answer is the best. Now I have to ask myself, is the simplest answer really the one I think it is? Or is it so simple I can't see it yet? That's why I've been trying to recruit people to be around me and help me be better.